I have never been brave enough to reach for a dream. Fear has kept me frozen in fear. I never believed in myself or my ability to make a dream happen. I didn't even allow myself have a dream. I made so many mistakes that dreams were dashed before they could ever be dreamed. I wasnt raised to dream impossible dreams. I didn't believe that I was good enough to have a dream. Women in the 70's weren't encouraged to think beyond marriage and babies. You could have a job but not a career or a "dream". So I didn't dream of anything beyond kids and marriage. Well the marriage came and then my son. Life just settled in of day to day stuff. I got a "job" in the Insurance Industry that I worked in for 25 years. I told myself that I was doing good, I paid my bills, I kept my family in decent shape. I didn't realize the difference between a JOB, a CAREER and a DREAM. Because I was able to pay for the things required in my life I thought I was doing great. Then several things in my life imploded. Marriage down the drain, job gone, bills piling up. Still peddling as fast as I can to keep my life afloat. Fast forward 15 years and another son comes along. Circumstances go spiraling out of my control, I find myself in a bad place. Another job, still no control to dream.
Now fast forward 20 years and I still don't believe I deserve to dream. I go through a serious depression that took me to a dark place. Inside I felt dead, nothing to look forward to or get up for. I have a mask on of a smiling face , a charade of myself that all was good. The saddest part is I had the greatest life that I was ignoring. Wonderful and caring husband, 1 son with 5 beautiful grand kids that I love beyond all my wildest imagination, a beautiful & smart step-daughter and a 20 year old amazing son. But I didn't care, all I could see was darkness. My husband talked me into seeing a counselor, he threw me a life jacket.
So I started seeing a counselor who asked me if I was happy? No - What would make me happy? Nothing- What would be my dream? Dream? I don't dream . I'm not good enough to have a dream. I've never had a dream, something that I really wanted, something that would make me...happy. I have been faking happy for so long that I had fooled everyone. I should be happy. I really should be but I wasn't. Never really thought about true happiness. But the counselor told me I could dream. I could have a dream. I was worth a dream. He told me to think about what would make me happy. WOW!! I thought about this concept. Over and over.
Well one day I was surfing the internet killing time. I came across a person making a wreath. It interested me enough that I watched the whole video. Then I watched another and another. Those tutorials made me happy. I wanted to make a wreath. So I went and bought the materials to make a wreath. I watched and re-watched that video trying to copy what they were doing. I started & stopped but kept starting again till it was done. It wasn't that great but I was smiling. First time in a long time.
I can dream, I deserve to dream, I can work towards a dream. I loved making that wreath and wanted to make another, and another and another. So I did! one year later I am working hard towards making my DREAM come true. I am a creator and designer of wreaths and signs. My business is Cedar Craft Wreaths and I am the owner and designer. You can dream. You deserve to Dream. Dare to Dream and make it happen.