Fear Owns Me

Every morning I wake up thinking “Today I will….” Make a wreath, go live, do some Chalk Couture. I look at Facebook at everything other people made the day before. Wishing I had made something or gone live. Wishing I had done something to further my business.

I know the reason I got into making wreaths was depression. I lay on the couch for a year, not caring about anything. Just staring at the back of the couch thinking “Why bother” I barely participated in my life. I don’t have a bad life. I have a good husband, wonderful son, grandkids, loving Mom and sisters. But “Why bother” was my mantra.

Now I realize, after counseling, that it was a delay from my Father’s death. He passed in 2007 after a long illness. I still feel like there is a piece missing in my heart and soul. But I am better.

But I watched someone make a wreath one day and a spark lit. Then I watched more and more. I slowly got off the couch and wanted to make a wreath. Wow! I “want” to do something. So I got all the materials and slowly, very slowly made a wreath. Now this wreath I made was not anything like the one on the video. Not even close! But I enjoyed every minute of making that wreath, creating something from nothing. A desire to create was born. Since last January I have learned more, watched more, joined groups, and even got a business coach. I tell you all this to tell you that FEAR OWNS ME. I am afraid to move forward. Why, failure of course. I’m afraid if I do a live no one will watch. If I demonstrate Chalk Couture I’ll mess it up. If I make a business plan I’ll not be able to implement it. I am letting Fear Own Me.

My family say all the platitudes that are nice. You’re good; those are beautiful, blah, blah, blah. But the fact is, I have few sales, struggle with computer problems, don’t understand how to even use a mailing list, what am I supposed to mail them?

I tell you all this to let you know that you’re not alone in your feelings. There are a lot of us out here who are letting Fear Own us. Am I working on it? YES, DAILY. I’m not ready to give up. I still have a spark and slowly I am going to build a fire and set the world on fire.

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